It would be nice to think every kid in America had a fair chance at a safe and nurturing childhood. But that’s not always the case. I will forever remember being bruised, beaten, and baffled. Since then I was and ever since have been pushed to work harder and harder every single day. Memories from my past sometimes feel so intense; like deja vu. I would look at fairy tale movies and know I was not the royalty; I never could be. I was that person working, getting tossed around. But the questions I’ve spent my life asking is: “What do I do with your life once he puts you down?”
Then soon,
How will I get through once I am sober? How do I no longer see food as an entity? How do I see my skin as me rather than too different, an error? When will I no longer have to go to war with myself, to keep my sanity, keep those around me?
How do I not feel so alone when I can’t explain what makes me, me? When I have to follow a different set of rules, one I’ve created?
Do I hide away and take cover from the world? Or do I ponder how different my life would be if things were to have happened differently?”
No. I can’t just sit around.
I found that I wasn’t even giving myself the credit I wished others had given me for my resilience and self-motivation.
I need to stand up and fight the fear of the worst. I need know that I can still build something that will be permanent while I am standing. I just knew I have to do something with it!
I couldn’t let other people hold me back,
I was sick of being a victim.
I wanted make myself worth much more than they ever saw in me.
Because it cannot be about merely living and dying, but I could easily be using my personal experiences to give something to the world. It doesn’t even matter that I didn’t necessarily get very much to start with but that doesn’t change the fact that I can give something out that will help other people who aren’t really getting the lucky side of things. I am the only person who has survived my life, I can’t let that go to waste. Maybe someone else couldn’t survive a life like mine unless I told them that it is possible.
At the end of my Junior year,
I knew that all I wanted was to succeed, but I also needed a place with a structure I could rely on. Leaving home was one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make. Moreso leaving my mother, whom I subconsciously vowed to protect. Though I knew if I was to dwell in this abyss simply pondering dreams, I would find myself losing any inspiration I held onto. If I were to have stayed suspended in a commonplace where my dreams and aspirations were my most lively muse, the only thing providing me solace. If I had stayed, I soon would have unfathomably abandoned those hopes, only to spite my yearning.
I prompted myself with a reminder of the inevitable; It’s virtually impossible to find success without taking a risk. I had to choose wisely while finding the strength and the willpower to take that risk that could lead me to triumph; or leave me with nothing. Yet continued forward with the audacity to get on the high rope - and never look down, only forward- for it’s all or nothing.
I have committed myself to taking every moment of trial and turmoil to overcome my past and unravel the rest of a story. I am actualizing my true talents, continually excited to witness my dedication and everything I can put my mind to, all the while remembering how hard work is noticed.
If I push through the hardship with dignity and determination there is always a chance for a future, it’s up to me how different it will be.
If I keep holding my perseverance I will be rewarded whether it’s what I have been working for or something I hadn’t even seen possible, something unsuspected.
I must never feel more worthy the cards I am given, I must build and shape them to show my potential.
I can never be envious or be grateful for what I’m given in life, it’s a curse on myself; one of the worst kind I have allowed take a piece of control in my life.
Today was yesterday's future, last week was once my present. Now is now, now will always be in the past. Time passes anyways, what am I going to do in the meantime that will mean something for my now in the future. I must believe in now.
No comments:
Post a Comment